wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
