I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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