as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
