I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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