is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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