I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
