No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Randomize
