history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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