You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
