He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
