sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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