listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
ugly people sure do ruin things
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
