Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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