Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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