shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
