I met the friendliest cop last night
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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