She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
