Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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