I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
