So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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