It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
