Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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