I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
