Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
