He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
