Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
