It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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