I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
