woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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