You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
