You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
