OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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