it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
