The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
