Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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