I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
