ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
