is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Sober January is a disaster.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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