That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
