someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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