apparently the secret to your success is patron
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
