I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
