I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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