What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
