my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
we're so committed to being not committed
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize