I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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