So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you traded sex for a burrito?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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