Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
