hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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