Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
