OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
