So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
