i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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