Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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