Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
