All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
