Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
