I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
