This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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